I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't deserve a penis
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
