Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
