You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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