Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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