Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
