I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
