there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
