take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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