I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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