hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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