I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
