I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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