I just pynch a tree in the face
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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