Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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