Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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