DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
