It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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