she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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