You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well you can't waste a boner
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No subtext here. People are naked.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
