omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize