Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
