so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
