why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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