I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
