Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
