Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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