There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
