Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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