I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
