everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
