Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
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