who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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