if you like me you must not know who I am
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize