I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize