i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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