dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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