i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
