I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
