ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize