I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
