I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
