Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
