You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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