THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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