at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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