remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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