Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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