Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
