She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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