i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
