Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
