Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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