You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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