I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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