He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
