I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so let's talk penis.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
