update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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