be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
