I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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