A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
