Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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