Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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