Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
