You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
