How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
