can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
