Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
