dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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