She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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