i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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