Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's just like the Real World with babies
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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