things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
