bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
