If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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