I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You were trust falling into bushes
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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