Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
