U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
