i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
